Latuda

I've been taking Latuda for almost two months. I started out taking 40 mg. for 10 days and then my psychiatrist gave me 80 mg. to take. 40 mg. wasn't hard to take, but 80 mg. is more challenging. I think it's a good medication, as far as antipsychotics go, but learning the best time to take it was tricky for me. It makes me feel good during the day if I take it at night.  I tried to take it during the day at least 8 times, and each time I felt terrible. A couple of hours after taking it, it became hard to focus, concentrate, and do work. It also made me feel anxious.

The reason that I struggled with what time to take it is that it is supposed to be taken with 350 calories in order to be absorbed properly. That is a small meal, and I'm trying to lose weight. I tried taking it with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and that bad feeling came on after a few hours and I knew I couldn't tolerate it at those times. The only other time left is later at night, close to my bedtime. If I take it at night I feel good the next day. It doesn't help with sleep, so I'm taking 200 mg of Seroquel  for that purpose, with the goal of slowly cutting that dose down. My psychiatrist believes that I need an antipsychotic along with my mood stabilizers, and I have found that if I take Latuda at night, I feel energetic during the day and tend to ruminate less and I also feel less anxious. But, if I take it any time before bedtime I have a very negative experience. So, I've been taking it at night with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after dinner, and I'm trying to eat less during the day to make up for what feels like an indulgence, although it's necessary.

The most challenging part of my treatment for bipolar disorder has been deciding which antipsychotic to take. The closest second to Latuda that I have tried is Seroquel. Seroquel helped me to sleep at night, and made me feel calm, but it is very sedating when taken during the day, and also caused quite a bit of weight gain when taken at higher doses. So, for now, my regimen is 200 mg. Lamictal, 1200 mg. Trileptal, 80 mg. Latuda, and 200 mg. Seroquel.

Latuda is very expensive, and that makes me nervous. If I ever lost my Extra Help with Medicare, I would not be able to afford it and would have to take something else, and I think that would be Seroquel. It would definitely be an adjustment.

Picking up the Pieces

For me, the hardest part of recovering from a depression or a mania is the time after the episode, when I know I'm doing better, and able to move forward, but also realize how far behind I am in things like cleaning, going through my mail, and paying bills - the routine things that are important but go out the window when I'm not in my right mind.

My mania started in March, and was followed by a depression that started in June and ended in July - thanks to a medication change my psychiatrist made. So, I've been feeling better since July. August was a month of recovery. I started going out with friends again, started my exercise routine back up, started cooking more often, and made great strides in organizing and cleaning my apartment - my cleaning routine is always the last routine to recover after a serious mood episode. So now it's September and I'm pretty much back on track. I finally feel that I have recovered seven months after my symptoms of mania first began. That's a very large chunk of time!

It's hard for friends and family to understand the recovery that needs to take place after a mood episode. It seems like once I start acting normal again, everyone assumes that I'm back on track, but that's far from the reality because I always have a lot of catching up to do.

The process of surviving mood episodes and then picking up the pieces is exhausting. It's why I take my medication, try to stick to my routines, keep regular appointments with my psychiatrist and therapist, attend support group meetings, and aim for stability. It's disappointing when I have to pick up the pieces again, but at least I have enough experience with it to know what to expect and also see it as a good incentive to stick to my treatment plan.

Everything's Okay!

 
At this moment in time, I feel like I've covered all of the really serious aspects of dealing with bipolar disorder in this blog. If something else comes up, I'll be sure to address it, but for now, I'm happy to announce that everything is going well for me. This is the first year that I spent time gearing up to prevent my not unusual fall/winter depression. I'm definitely going to continue trying to prevent seasonal mood changes, but this year, my preparations seem to have been overdone. This winter has been unusually mild, making it easier for me to get out and be active. I haven't felt any hesitation about going to the grocery store, running to the bank, or completing any of the other errands required to keep my life running smoothly. I've enjoyed all of the winter holidays so far, and am now looking forward to Valentine's Day.

Lately I've been walking with a few different friends. I've enjoyed the exercise as well as their company. We usually walk for an hour or two, so we have lots of time to talk. It's very therapeutic, and a great way to get exercise and relax in our hectic, modern world. In the past, it's been harder for me to find walking partners. I'm really glad that more of my friends are interested in walking now...maybe it's because we're getting older (?).

For the past few months, I've been focusing on preparing healthier meals and eating a more wholesome diet in general. I've long been frustrated by thinking of all of the chemicals I have to ingest, in the form of bipolar medications, that seem to throw my chemistry out of balance with the result being unpleasant side effects. While I have always understood the value of eating whole, unprocessed foods, I'm trying to become more vigilant about eating a cleaner diet with fewer added chemicals, thus avoiding the negative health effects of eating too much processed food, because I'm already tired enough of dealing with the side effects from medication. I believe that our bodies can only handle so many foreign chemicals! 

I can also report that I've been sleeping well and waking up easily. I've been enjoying spending time at home, at work, out in the community, and with my friends. In the fall, I joined two interesting community organizations. One is called Forge, which is a "community for innovators". So far the meetings have been very interesting. I met one entrepreneur who was looking to hire someone, and I told a friend with the right qualifications about the position, and she got the job! She told me that she'll take me out for dinner when she gets her first paycheck. The other organization I've been meeting with is called Let Them Tweet Cake , a group for women who are interested in social media--right up my alley. I'm really glad that I found these organizations, because both of them seem to be a really good fit for me.

So things are humming right along. I know I'll feel even better come spring and summer, but I'll also have to be watching myself and making sure I don't get too carried away. It's strange to be so dramatically affected by things both large and small. I guess that's why I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm happy that I understand my mood conditions, as well as myself, better than I used to. Time and experience have helped me so much in my quest to live a fulfilling life.

Routines

Last week, I wasn't feeling quite right. I wasn't depressed, but I wasn't as spirited or productive as usual. I'm okay now, and I'm grateful that the way I felt was just temporary. I always have a sense of foreboding when I think that I might be getting depressed. Because I have survived quite a few long and terrible depressions, including one last fall and winter, avoiding depression is very important to me.

When I noticed I was slipping, I resolved to make sure I was following all of my routines--something most people who are being treated for bipolar disorder are aware that they should do when they feel that they are heading toward either depression or mania.

I have so many routines! These are the important ones: wake up routine, morning routine, medication routine, work routine, after-work routine, sleep routine (this is not a joke), workout routine, diet/meal preparation routine, cleaning routine, sorting through mail routine, bill paying routine, and, last but not least, the checking and updating my calendar routine.  

Today was a good day. I successfully completed all of my routines, and I feel stable. I was sure of this after dinner. After work, I went grocery shopping and prepared a really good meal using two recipes from Weight Watchers. My boyfriend and I enjoyed pan-fried chicken breasts, a spinach-feta saute, and some potato salad. Kind of a strange choice of side dishes, but my boyfriend is a really picky eater, and I know he likes potato salad. I am thrilled whenever we eat the same food, because if I cook something that doesn't sound good to him, he will eat a Hot Pocket instead of something healthy.

Earlier this month, when we visited our friends out west, they asked my boyfriend if he wanted them to have any particular foods ready for him. He asked for Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew, and he ate that meal whenever whatever they were cooking didn't appeal to him. I'm glad he doesn't only do that when I cook! Anyway, tonight was really nice. I enjoyed cooking, spending time with my boyfriend, sharing a good meal, and realizing that I am definitely not depressed.